The woman who must always win

 It is difficult for her to make and keep friends. She may have a string of short intense relationships that are no more than liaisons. She will never be drawn on how many men she has slept with. She will accuse a man of having an affair, when the likelihood is that she is the one committing adultery or infidelity, possibly with more than one lover on the go at any one time. She may end relationships for the most spurious of reasons.

She may boast lots of male friends. She usually has fewer female friends. Other women are more likely to see through her and she knows this. Men, however, are more easily deceived and they give her more attention, so men are her focus. What girlfriends she claims to have will almost always be less attractive than she is. She chooses to spend time with losers to make her feel better about herself. But she is a fair weather friend.

She is often attracted to someone who is sensible and responsible, as she herself lacks good solid qualities. She will routinely rationalise her negative behaviour, perhaps seeing her victims as weak and “asking to be taken advantage of”.

Assassins kill their targets. When they are good at their job, it’s quick and clean. Metaphorically, even though they have never been trained in battlefield manoeuvres, some of these abusive women realise it is sometimes more advantageous to wound than to destroy. Trained soldiers will sometimes deliberately wound their opponents in a battlefield scenario. A wounded soldier will be helped by an unwounded soldier. The able-bodied soldier who helps a wounded man has to stop fighting, so there is one enemy fewer to deal with. This is why some malicious women will divide and conquer by playing people off one against the other

She will tie you up in emotional knots. The expert can perform this trickery so well that no matter what you do you cannot possibly do the right thing for her. She may set you impossible tasks and move the goalposts if there is a possibility that you will succeed.

She will keep you guessing. One moment she is loving and affectionate, the next she is abusive, angry and out of control. This erratic behaviour makes it impossible for the victim to know where he stands.

Watch for her skill at making non-threatening threats. This means that if something is challenged she could offer a plausible non-threatening explanation. But this doesn't change anything – a threat is still a threat. She will push her partner as far as she can to exert maximum control. If she feels she has gone too far, she will try to salvage the situation by becoming intensely loving. This causes further confusion and increases any self-doubt you had. Every time she gets you to back down she wins. Then watch for her “advance and retreat seduction”. She gives affection and withdraws it. It’s a power thing.

She is capable of appearing intensely angry at someone’s minor misdemeanours to distract attention away from her own more serious bad behaviour. This also destabilises her victims and it’s often part of her “show”.

The silent treatment is another of her weapons. It’s unnerving and cruel and an effective strategy that she has used many times to cripple her opponents. Encouraging colleagues and “friends” to join her in punishing you is also a favoured strategy. It’s non-aggressive aggression.

If she isn’t getting what she wants, the sociopath uses her charm and persuasion skills to enlist others to do her dirty work. She will seek out the people closest to you and try to get them on her side or at least make you think she’s done so. She’ll recruit even your close family, including your parents.

She will choose to interpret innocent behaviour as a threat. She needs to be seen as a victim so that she has a twisted valid reason for her revenge and her outrageous behaviour.

Furthermore, she actually wants a crisis. If things are working well she may feel the need to disrupt everything and everyone.

Don’t become complacent. She knows from experience that revenge is a dish best served cold and one day she will get her own back.

Extracted from “Venus: The Dark Side”. For more information visit www.VenusTheDarkSide.com

© Roy Sheppard and Mary T Cleary 2008

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